I am currently working on quite a number of pieces, thanks to your requests and the obligation that comes with having a blog. Subtle, but existent. Somewhere between all the juggling, I remember the darkness that was last year. I recall that at a time like now, my vision was extremely limited, my hopes completely dashed. That counts. Or at least should.
It should count that I can now write about a phase that no one should ever have to go through. It should count that in times of hopelessness, the Universe never allowed me to sink in a pit that most never come back from
Most stories don’t make it to social media. Stories of how I lost all the footage from years of traveling, how hard starting from scratch is (that wasn’t even scratch. There’s no word for it), how incredibly difficult it is to trust after some events… This is also mostly cuz society is tailored in a way that the victim gets blamed for whatever it is that happens. Society makes you feel that all that led up to the event was somehow your fault. That had you done something differently it wouldn’t have happened. No one talks about the bad people. No one admonishes bad behaviour. No one really understands what victims of evil acts go through. As such, to avoid the unjustified corrections and schooling, victims lie low with it.
Now, there is only two ways this could end. You either bounce back really hard, like I did, or your life changes for the absolute worst. The latter is what happens to most people. It’s not their fault, it’s how this society is designed. There are no in betweens.
I think I drew most of my strength from the beauty I have seen in this world and also that which I imagine exists in places I have never been to. It was like a metaphor. It still is. It is easier to focus on the bad but it is generally not beneficial. Travel when you can, child. Travel. Travel through other people’s stories, book a bus to the next town, save up some cash and go to a different country, alone. Just go. It is through this that you will understand your real power and also experience raw human love. It is extremely beautiful out there; words alone can never explain. Just go.
It also helps to think of the strength we possess. Inherently. Knowledge that most people will be oblivious of your struggle and that one shouldn’t take it personally is one of the things that has brought me to where I am today, almost one year later. There is always going to be that one person who occasionally asks you: “how’s your heart”. That will lead you to a lot of introspection. Maybe at that exact moment it will be full, maybe it won’t. But that counts. If you’re lucky, there’s going to be two such people. Maybe more. I doubt there are rules and formulas to this. However, the majority will expect you to be fine. They will assume you’re okay. They will throw the occasional “how are you” at you, but it’s only because it’s frowned upon by society not to start your requests like that. It is “rude” to ask for favours from people without first pulling a “how are you”. It is also unheard of, very unexpected, for someone to say they are not fine. When they do, it will be masked by the noise that is society’s expectations. Believe in your power and work with that. Expect less from people. Trust them, but lower your expectations. If you don’t that will surely destroy you.
Today when I cri(ed), they were not tears of hopelessness or despondency. They were of an affirmation of the power I possess to bounce back from the craziest of situations. A trust in my abilities. I hope that after you read this, you will remember to trust yourself. I genuinely hope that you successfully deal with whatever ails you. That you forgive yourself for all that has happened in the past. I hope you remember that whatever was meant to happen will surely happen. I hope you know that while there are bad people out here, good always wins.
Cheers to power!